A small dose of EGO

Ego.  Such a tiny word with such huge implications.  More specifiacally the male ego.  I have one.  A really big one.  I am also a people watcher.  That will come into play a bit later.  Watching the male ego in action can be the most entertaining thing in the world.  If you know what to look for you can almost tell exactly where the person you know gets pushed aside and the ego just bursts through and takes over.

Probably the most common form of ego that is easy to identify is the "i can kick anyones ass" senario.  The ego goes into overdrive on this, especially if there is a woman present or involved.  All sense of logic disappears.  I mean its one thing to posture or stand your ground.  Maybe its about bluffing?  HAHA...no.  Ego is not about posturing or bluffing.  It seriously believes in itself.  Yes, even if on the other side of the equation is Chuck Norris or some other relavant badass. 

Where does this come from?  How can someone allow themselves to become so out of touch?  Well its simple...it makes us feel good.

To put this in a little more perspective lets take a small look at my own ego.  Its not really small.  In fact it has been defined by those that know me to be so big that it even has its own name.  They call him Steve.  Someone once said (i seem to remember it being my mother) that Steve arrives 30 seconds before i do.  Now i created my own ego and built it up to what it is.  Let me put it this way.  If every male had my ego, there would be no self-esteem problems in this world, the suicide rate wouldnt exist for men, the drug companies that produce "happy" pills would be broke, and women would have to do more than simply spread their legs to get laid.  OK that last part was kinda harsh but you get the point. 

What the ego loves more than anything is to be stroked by someone other than who it belongs to.  Much like a massage or the dishes, its much better when someone else does it to you or for you. 

Now having an ego can make us do some really stupid shit.  I mean seriously, you could have gotten that 100 pound box from point A to B in half the time with a 2nd person, but you wanted to demonstrate the proper way to give yourself a hernia instead.  YES, giving ourselves a hernia while boosting our ego because we can carry that huge box makes us feel good.  Of course we meant to fall down the stairs with it.

I am reminded of a Bud commercial.  The overly aggressive flag football game player.  Pure ego, every single bit of it.  Or even that guy that not only has to beat his girlfriend at that friendly game of whatever they are playing, but crush her to the point she will never play anything with him again.  And then he wonders why.  You know like the friendly pillow fight you had with her, and you managed to give her a concussion with a pillow.  Ego, all the way.

Guys even go so far as to accessorize the ego.  And you thought that chick over there was a golddigger.  Fast cars, lifted trucks, toys, or just plain spending of money for no other reason than you can.  The ego can put the novice golddigger to shame.  But check this out...they even gave it name for when the ego goes into heat...yeah...they call it the "midlife crisis".  And she though he was cheating on her with that slut at work. 

One final thought on ego for tonight...and this is aimed at women...if you dont stroke it for him, he will do it himself.

Just wired that way...

When i signed those papers i was totally unprepared for what the Army experience was going to be like.  Name your favorite military movie and thats probably what i was thinking.  No amount of story telling or pictures can prepare you for what is in there.  Its not just about killing.  There is the brotherhood and the traditions.  In fact, there is very little in the miltary that doesnt come from some kind of tradition.  Some of those traditions are older than the country it defends. 

Learn to put my life in someone elses hands?  Are you fucking nuts?  Or more simply the concept of teamwork.  There is literally no aspect that can be done 100% solo or alone.  You have to feed off the energy of those you serve with on some level, even if you are not aware of it.  Sure plenty of people go in and come out and its no big deal.  They have no idea.  You have to "get into it".  Much like...uh...football.  Anyone can watch a game.  But its the fan that truly "gets into it" that really gets something out of it or maximizes what it is.  Learns all the rules the ins and outs to the point where you know every gesture, and what it means and why it happens.  While that other person simply regergitates the score.  Yes, there is a huge difference.  I "got into it" and took with me the very core of what it is to be a part of a brotherhood. 

I look around the civilian world.  Concepts like these and many others simply dont exist.  Its a dog eat dog world.  But then thats how its structured.  Teamwork?  Laughable at best.  I can look around and say that the only reason i see people step up to be a part of the "team" is for the gold star they put next to their own name on the fridge.  The precious few people in this world that truly see beyond this narrow vision tend to want to be a part of something bigger and join the military anyway.  Has anyone ever noticed that if by chance in the working world if 2 or more people that have served get put together for something that requires teamwork it automatically goes more smoothly?

I can look around at the people i work with and know that the only desire they have to help me is out of the selfish motivation that if they help me now then i am obligated to help them at some point later on. 

Without the life threatening senario the bond or brotherhood can't be truly established.  I mean if nothing is likely to happen then who cares right?  But then if thats the line of thought, who can you really count on?  And if thats the case why the need for the militaristic "you watch my back i watch yours" overtone?  Well its simple, i am now wired that way.  But then is that such a bad thing?  Well I suppose if i wasnt so bound by that line of thought and relaxed it a bit i might have a few more friends.  But then wouldnt they be fake friends?

The bottom line here is i miss a lot of the ideals i hold most dear being present in everyday life from everyone around me.  People simply do not understand.  On top of that you really cant even help them to understand.  Its just one of those things that if you werent a part of it, no amount of pictures or story telling is going to convey anything even close to what it is or means. 

The Impact of Random

So there i was, making my way through the McDonald's drive thru.  Ordering up a standard lunch and making my way to the pay window.  Upon arriving i wait for the cashier to tell me my total again.  Instead she said the person in front of me paid for it.  Wait what?  WTF?  So i look at the car in front of me at the pick-up window.  Some car ive never seen, some older woman i dont recognize.  She simply looks into the rear view mirror, waves and drives away.  Never to be heard from again.  Well then, thats 7 bucks i dont have to spend.  Works for me. 

Pretty cool right?  I mean who doesnt like free Big Macs?  "did you know her" the cashier asks.  Nope.  Random act of kindness maybe?  Well now a few years later, i dont so much remember the act of kindness, more so the shock factor.  Kinda funny when you think about it.  The look on my face when the cashier said some random person paid my bill.  First thought was it was an accident.  It wasnt.

That act sends me back to post 9/11.  My Army unit was rotating guys for airport security.  4 of us grabbing some chow at one of the sit-down restaurants.  This was common for most of us.  The usual table talk of who didnt want to take off their shoes or threatened to hold us responsible for missing their flight.  LOL really?  Im the one with the gun...take off your shoes.  Off in the distance a traveler is complaining about why they have to pay a fee to get a different flight because the soldier caused them to miss the flight.  The airline rep simply responds by saying "next time take your shoes off the FIRST time he asks you".  Anyway, one night as we are waiting for our bill, putting our cash in the middle counting it up, the waiter comes by and lets us know that the table across the way picked up our check.  He came over, shook our hands, and said thank you. 

So im at Chilis the other night having dinner.  Across the aisle is very young couple (probably high school) coming in for dinner.  I couldnt help but notice several things.  They sat together on the same side of the booth.  I can't remember the last time i did that.  A woman might look at that and call it cute.  Watching them was quite easy as they were directly under the TV with football on.  When their appetizer showed up (half order of texas cheese fries), the boy made a point to eat his with a fork.  Seriously?  Talk about putting on the prim and proper face huh?  I then noticed they were both drinking water.  Hmmm.  Must be low on cash so they are doing the 2 for 20 dinner deal.  As i stalked them some more it was obviously not a first date.  The high school puppy love vibe was quite apparent.  Going on a date back then at that age was exciting, not like today for us slightly older people.  All of a sudden i had the sudden urge and desire to pay for their meal.  So thinking it might be fun i asked my server to bring their check as it was at that moment.  They can pay for their own dessert.  Server asked if i was going to say anything to them.  Why would I?  So im pretty sure the server told them everything after I left.  Was i trying to be nice?  Nah.  Random act of kindness?  Nah, but you can think so.  Now if they didnt leave a tip then the server got screwed.  On the way out I was reminded of the McDonald's drive-thru.  Kind of hard not to, its right next door.  I did it for the shock and awe value that i will never see.  But as i pulled out of the parking lot i was left to ponder a few things.  How would they view the action taken?  Would it make a lasting impression of anykind?  And last but certainly not least..........

What if in reality I hate their parents?

Choose Wisely

Gut, Mind, and Heart.  Some days these things all seem to have a will of their own.  But, they all function in your head.  Curious the way these guys can all agree or disagree.  Make the easiest of choices look like life or death.  I feel the need to look at these as i myself have a decision or 2 that is causing a bit of personal conflict.

MIND - Live long and prosper, logic above all else.  The Mr. Spock in all of us.  This usually gets a bad rap becasue mind requires us to do that which is most difficult for emotional beings...be objective and unbias.  A very powerful tool.  Yet when it comes to matters of love and relationships this guy usually finds himself on the sideline watching us make fools of ourselves.  Even in my case I probably dont use this one the most, but constantly look to it for a 2nd opinion.

HEART - If you had to make a list of all bad decisions made in this world.  This guy prolly gets the gold medal for making them.  Completely emotion driven.  His sole purpose in life is to defy logic.  Thats not to say they dont agree sometimes.  The basis for decisions made here dont have a lot of solid ground.  You can usually poke holes in the type of "logic" heart uses.  Common sense is at a minimum.  Street smarts dont play into the decision making process heart uses.  In fact, mood seems to be the number one factor.  And as fast as a person can go from pissed off to happy, so can the decision heart makes.  Need to be careful with this guy.

GUT - My personal favorite.  Thrives on instinct and intuition.  Usually responsible for most of the choices i make.  That is if i have to pick ONLY ONE of the three.  There have been studies done on gut.  If a person is truely in tune with their own mind and body then these studies have shown that choices made with a persons gut instinct can be up to 70-75% accurate.  Now there are cases where all 3 of these guys agree but typically from my own experience, gut usually favors only one of the other 2 at a time.  It can even be called the animal instinct if you will.  Makes its decisions on the most primal level. 

Now im not going to go into examples and things like that.  Anyone can take a decision they have made and relate to this in some form or fashion.  Which is right?  Which is wrong?  Well that really depends on the outcome of the choice.

But i will say this, and this is iron clad.  Every decision that is made, we think it to be the RIGHT decison at the time, every time.  You have the rest of your life to rip it apart.  but again that doesnt change the fact that we thought it was the right choice when we made it.  If you take that into consideration...we always make the right choice...at that moment.

A Matter of Honor

There is no honor left in this world.  A persons word doesnt mean hardly anything to anyone anymore.  A handshake is like flipping a light switch, its just something people do.  Young people are either not taught about the power and significance of these things or they think its pointless. 

Marrage in todays world is popular one for this.  Whether its a religious union or simply going to the court house, 2 people more or less make a promise to be with one another and work through lifes challanges together.  But more than 50% of the time (at least in this country) those people break that promise.  Sometimes it happens early or sometimes after 15 or more years.  Who taught these people that it was ok to break your promise?  Do these people (regardless of how they feel toward the person) ever regret or feel bad that they didnt keep their word?  How can these people ever seriously expect anyone to ever trust or put faith in them again?  I mean this is the ultimate promise.  When one person breaks it, it almost makes the other look like a failure too. 

Now im not one to go around preaching "my word is my bond"  because that is a little over the top.  But im not one to give people many 2nd chances when they fail at this.  If i do then its just because.  And i will always be left wondering when that person will let me down again.  Because it WILL happen.  However, i generally wont let myself get too close to that person.   

Its so easy to disregard, mainly because there is a lack of being held accountable for most things like this.  An "Oh well" attitude is so common.  I see so many young people look at older people like they are morons when they start talking about the importance of doing what you say you are going to do, or keeping your word. 

Is there something that isnt being passed on to the kids?  Are parents the failing to get through to kids?  I cant even remember the last time i heard the word honor spoken in a house when it didnt come from me.  Its like there is no sense of disappointment in ones self if you fail to keep your word or follow through. 

Its almost like if someone else isnt holding you accountable then it doenst really matter...almost like holding yourself accountable isnt enough incentive to follow through and the personal satisfaction that goes with it knowing that you are an honorable individual.