Unconditional? Fear the black and white.

Unconditional is defined as - Without conditions or limitations; absolute.

Now thats about as black and white as you can get. Now lets add some spice

Unconditional Love is defined as - there is no universally agreed definition.

Now thats a bit strange.  Add one word and all hell breaks loose.  But you dont even need to do that.  The creation of the gray area is all about making the individual feel better.  Altering the definition just enough to support the circumstances.  Now i cant think of a word other than love that creates more gray areas, but to put unconditional in front of it makes it black and white.

Time and time again i see people create there own defintion of both of these.  Now in a previous blog...

(cracks open another pepsi)

i referenced in my opinion the 2 most stable examples of this.  1.  a mother and child (this is only one directional, from mother to child).  2. a dogs love for its owner.  Past this you can generally poke holes in just about any other combination of anything.  I LOVE LAMP, ok maybe that one too.  Now lets take a closer look at this.

I am going to resort to extremes here to make my point.  If you have to ask why then go back and read the definition of unconditional.  Every person has their breaking point.  That one action or sequence of events that can plunge even the deepest of connections into utter chaos.  I asked someone recently do define unconditional.  The line at the top was not the answer i received.  What i got was a tailored answer to fit this persons own set of circumstances.  Now if i took the given answer as absolute then this person is correct.  But the definition of such a black and white word is not open to interpretation. 

I know you are reading this and i apologize in advance.

Everyone has an ego.  Even if the extent of that ego is nothing else than to feel loved, if only by one person.  And some people will do anything, distorting their own reality and completely redefine unconditional so they can say "blah blah unconditionally blah blah" so when the person listening hears this they fill in with the definition above and now the statement has a very powerful message.  But it really doesnt.  You can usually poke holes and find the exception that disproves the very black and white intent of unconditional.  A typical response is "well that wont happen", but that doesnt change the fact that it disproves the statement at hand.

My own mother and i have talked at length about this.  I believe she unconditionally loves me.  And it is one directional.  While i would say i reciprocate this, i am aware of the unlimited possibilities of the world and since i do not have the bond there is something that she could say or do in some form or fashion that could potentially sway that.  Now i dont know what that is but that doesnt mean the condition or execption doesnt exist.  In a world of people obsessed with gray areas for sake of making themselves feel better becasue the black and white of it is too harsh a reality to face, that opens up too many variables to consider. 

damn, out of pepsi....i guess this ends here

The first time i got my ass kicked

Men have egos.  And like certain other things they require stroking.  We prefer to have it done by a female rather than doing it ourselves.  Every man has had his ass beat at least once in his life.  If he says otherwise he is probably lying.  My first experience with this was rather life changing in its own way.

To explore this we need to go back to 7th grade.  Now i was fresh out of catholic school.  Defiance really wasnt something you did just because.  I was amazed at the amount of "naughty" kids in my school now.  Who would have thought public school could be so undiciplined?  I hadnt yet learned that even what you say can have consequences.  After all we were all pretty controlled in catholic school.  So I had no fear of shooting my mouth off.  How different could it possibly be?  I would quite regularly do this to a particular short wanna be badass puck kid.  He was trying to be like his older high school brother.  You know, the go nowhere in life...ever...types. 

Its worth noting that in 7th grade was my first fight.  Not with the kid mentioned above.  In this case i didnt get beat up.  Though it did take several blows to the face to realize i had to reciprocate.  When there is a fight the ring of people develops surrounding the fight area.  After a min or so he backed up too far and one of the kids shoved him and he came flying toward me.  The only reaction I could think of was to raise my knee.  This then went straight into his stomach and more or less simply knocked the wind out of him.  He fell down, fight over.

Now summer of 8th grade karma would catch up to me.  The bike trails in my town run on the back sides of farm land.  Not a lot of spectators out there.  My friend and i were riding our bike back home from getting some McDonalds.  Coming toward us were 5 figures.  As we got closer i identified the short one and proceeded to go around.  They recognized me too and managed to get a hand on my friend and stop him.  I stopped about 100 feet and turned around.  They had seperated my friend from his bike.  They were hurting him or anything but it was definately bait to get to me.  My friend really wasnt much of anything, a stiff breeze would blow him over.  So i had to make a choice.  I could leave and hope they lost intrest and let him go or i could go back and try and resolve the situation.  Well even at that age i had a sense of loyalty to my friends so i went back.  No sooner did i get close enough they threw him and his bike aside and knocked me off mine.  My friend got on his bike and rode to a safe distance. 

Now one of these 5 people was the one short punk kid from school.  The other 4 were his brother (junior in high school) and his 3 friends.  I dont need to go into much detail to say what happened next.  Once i fell down all 5 took there turns, sometimes all at once.  They kicked me and hit me for what seemed like forever.  The stomach, my head, they didnt miss much.  The amazing thing was i didnt cry.  It hurt and hurt bad but i didnt have the urge to cry.  Once they were satisfied they continued on their way.  My friend came over to me once they were a safe distance away.  He helped me get up and walk our bike back home.

In catholic school if there is fight you tell someone and things happen.  But this was different.  I wasnt in school and there was no one to see and no one to tell.  It hit me (literally) that there was no real recourse.  I wasnt going to take on 5 people.  I couldnt tell my mom and have her talk to their parents.  That would have been social suicide before i knew what social was.  The only choice was to let it slide and just deal with it.  However, I did decide that it was never going to happen again.  Ah thank you U.S. Army.  As of today history has not repeated itself.  And while that may sound like a statement of arrogance, the truth is that confrontations have been rather minimal since then. 

you must pay for everything you say....

Random Animal Thoughts

Animals, most of us have had one at some point in our lives.  They impact us in many different ways.  Cats and dogs primarily.  They bring a sense of companionship are there to fill the lonely moments.While they may not be the greatest conversationalists, they are in fact avid listeners.  When was the last time you could ramble to a friend for an hour and that person sit there making eye contact with legitimate interest the entire time?  Probably wont happen in your life time.  But your dog?  Maybe even your cat? 

They say people who have pets live longer, happier lives.  The sense fo fulfilment through pets is well established.  It is truly amazing how that animal just knows when something isnt right.  At the present time i have a cat.  He is the best pet i have ever had to date.  His intuition about my mood and how i feel is uncanny.  I had a friend in town who got food poisoning.  My cat decided to hang out with him in the bathroom and help him feel better.  A dog is no different.

However, there is something uniquely special about a dog.  The loyalty a dog has for his owner or family is truly unrivaled.  People could truly learn from this.  There is no true unconditional love in this world with the exception being that between a mother and child.  The fact that you might choose to give your life for another does not automatically make your love unconditional.  If there is a close 2nd to this I would be inclined to say that it is the love a dog has for his owner.  Its that bond that makes a dog so special.  When you here the rare story of how an untrained dog took it upon himself to defend his owner in need.  There is a lesson to be learned here.  Why cant people be like this.  A dog raised in a good home is an approachable dog.  It always assumes you are there to be nice to him and therefore always takes the initiative to be friendly.  Well ok maybe he thinks you have bacon but still. 

A house isnt truly a home without an animal.  There is something about the pet that completes the home.  I had a dog growing up.  It amazed me even then how no matter what I did he looked upon me favorably.  Well why do you have a cat?  I dont have the time to devote to a dog that it deserves at this stage.  A cat is self sufficient.  A cat has a lot to teach as well.  The average cat will spend 50% of its life in a light sleep.  What have i learned from my cat?  Never underestimate the power of a nap.  The ability to relax and refresh yourself.  Even just an hour.  Have a problem bothering you?  sleep on it.  Day off and having a bored moment?  sack out for an hour.  Just got a big hug and you really didnt want it?  bathe yourself.

As a matter of fact im going to take his advice now...and go to bed 

Confidence or Arrogance?

I get this one alot.  Must be the way i walk or something.  It raises a question too.  Why is it that in this situation and others, when you watch someone walk down the street, its human nature to error on the side of arrogance?

One particular encounter comes to mind and sticks out more than most.  It was a summer day and i was coming out of the grocery store.  I was walking to my truck with a case of soda in hand, sunglasses on, minding my own business.  A woman yells out from a bench in the shade.  "Your shit smells just like everyone elses you know".  As the WTF light starts flashing in my head i turn my head toward the voice.  On the bench was a woman probably upper 40s lower 50s and a gentleman that at that moment i could only guess was her husband.  Once i made face contact she clarified with a "yes i meant you" or something like that.  I put my stuff in my truck and then proceed to approach them.  I respond with that all too familiar "excuse me?"  She then proceeds to repeat herself using different words, i dont remember exactly but im sure it cant be too difficult to picture how this is going.  In those few seconds i was more focused on thinking about how i wanted to respond.  What i wanted to say.  What tone i wanted to use.  And of course sorting through my list of curse words for added effectiveness of getting my point across.  Now i still have my sunglasses on.  The joys of being able to move just your eyes to look at something else while still appearing to make eye contact.  I glance over to the husband.  His expression was quite blank.  He didnt seem to have a feeling about this one way or the other.  Now i dont remember my exact choice of words.  But i did choose to not use profanity.  I only got about 2 sentences out.  I managed to reference walking tall and with pride as it applies to being in the miltary for 8 years.  As if my haircut shouldnt have given that away in the first place to this woman.  Now trying to stand her ground she began to say something else.  This was brought to an abrupt halt when her husband came out of nowhere and told her to shut up by name.  The brief pause felt like about 5 minutes.  All of a sudden i was overwhelmed with curiosity as to what this guy was going to say.  I resisted the urge to give a follow up comment reinforcing his telling her to be quiet.  In fact i think i forgot.  The moment itself was really cool.  But not nearly as cool as what followed, at least to me.  He then stood up and reached to shake my hand.  As we shook hands he stated he was a Vietnam Vet, such and such years and said "Thank you".  He even brought his left hand over for the 2 hands on one handshake in a gesture of sincereity.  I simply nodded my head (he did the same) and went on my way.

Why is that?  Why was it required that i state my case before i was looked at as a proud individual and not some arrogant prick? 

Another instance that really touched me, and i mean deep.  I can't even explain it.  I was workingat a customers house.  When i got there he answered the door in a power chair.  He had no legs, one and a half arms, and freshly stiched incision about 8 inches straight up his belly.  As i proceeded to work i heard a line from the movie on his TV as i walked by.  Without hesitating i just said the name of the movie ( i hadnt even seen the screen).  It was Platoon.  He asked me if i liked war movies and volunteered that i looked like i had served.  So he asked me a lot of questions about my service as i worked.  I then learned he was a Vietnam Vet who got blown up by a booby trap land mine that put him in his condition.  He was making wisecracks and jokes about it too having a good time with the conversation.  I mean really?  Like...wow.  You want to share in the humor but you dont because you risk offending him.  I was going to thank him on my way out when the unthinkable happened.  He stopped me as i was leaving.  Got back in his chair from bed, rolled up to me, shook my hand and thanked ME for MY service.  Are you kidding?  I was getting babysat for my time compared to what this man had seen and been through.  I was beside myself.  So much so that not only was i speechless, i completely forgot i wanted to thank him.  The only saving grace for that was the eye contact at the end.  You just know.  The eyes of a soldier are deep.  I could tell he really wanted to be able to stand up and shake my hand. 

Had I seen him on the street I wouldnt have even given that a thought.  I would have thought car accident or something.  While i dont remember the details of the story he told about the incident, i wouldnt share it if i did.

Most civilians can't fathom what it means to me to have served.  The things ive seen and done....

What would you do?

"We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us."
~Maurice Maeterlinck

I'm on the job today and as i arrive at my next stop i notice a dog just running around the neighborhood.  Its about 9:00 and he came from the area of the customer i had to go and do work.  No big deal he runs up to my van and proceeds to do friendly dog stuff.  I discover after i make contact with the customer that the dog belongs to the neighbor and "got out again".  The customer proceeds to tell me that he has knocked on the door several times and got no answer.  He even calls the dog by name and makes a statement that the neighbor may lose their dog.  I'm not putting much concern into it at the moment other than to notice the dog is always near me while im working outside.

About an hour later I notice the dog has lost most of his energy and taken up shade where he can find it.  I grab my iphone and pull up the weather and find that current temp is about 105 degrees.  At this point i start to keep a little closer eye on the dog as i work.  30 more minutes go by its around 10:30 now and temperature is closing in on 110.  The customer opens his gate and the dog ventures in his back yard going toward the water dish he has outside for his own dog.  The customer calls the dog and directs him out of the gate.  The lack of excitement from either of them suggests this occurance is common.  So I think to myself.  I got here at 9 and this dog was already outside.  Im sweating my ass off and have already made a few trips to my water cooler and here this dog was just rejected a drink from the neighbor that clearly knows this dog.  Now i dont know about anyone else but this small act just sent me through the roof.  I call the dog over to me once the customer went back inside.  His tongue was completely dry.  For those of us who have had dogs we know this is bad.  As i walked to my van drinking from my bottle he was following me licking the hot cement whenever my bottle dripped just trying to get some kind of drink.  I didnt have a bowl but kind of got him to drink from the spout of my jug.  Once he was satisfied he took position in the shade again.  I finished up at about 11:30 with the temp at 110.  The customer was still just driving the dog away. 
Now the customer had a dog of his own.  Wouldnt that incline him to maybe at least put a bowl of water out?  OK fine the neighbors neglected the dog by not being able to keep him in, but does that mean the dog has to dehydrate and die when there is someone there that can prevent it?  What lesson is that going to teach the dog?  He could have called animal control maybe, at least then they would have takin the dog and given him some care.  I can handle cruelty to humans, sometimes they deserve it.  Not to a good friendly dog suffering in the heat.  I can just imagine the heat index to furry dog.  Pisses me off.  Both the neighbor and the customer.  Let the dog have a drink asshole!

Day off

Ah the day off.  A concept far greater than anyone could have imagined.  Day off means lake time.  This normally consists of a waverunner, an ipod, and a large body of water.  But how does something like this begin?  Typically you might think of sleeping in or being lazy or doing laundry. 

Well the alarm clock may be turned off but the alarm cat is always ticking.  It starts going off typically around 7ish.  A very curious mechanism indeed, has the ability to nudge your hand around.  Now this particular device does not have a snooze button.  If it does i cant find it. After a few sessions of this the alarm cat goes to stage 2.  This involves approaching my face from a perpendicular position assuring maximum nasal penetration with its whiskers.  This is the moment where you can opt to wake up or purrmanently shut off your icat but flinging it across the room and splattering it on the wall.  The various animal rights groups are not fond of the latter.

Anyway its day off.  Capacity for rational thought is about zero for the next 24 hours, the care cup is bone dry, and....uh...need coffee.

Ok back to the lake.  Aside from the shower, i do my best thinking out there.....and singing.  The clarity with which you can organize and sift thorough your thoughts, make decisions and choices, or simply clear your head of all that nonsense is amazing.  On a random sidenote i was asked once why I chose a waverunner over a motorcycle.  Well duh, isnt the answer obvious?  Guess not.  Ok well if i had a motorcycle and im doing 50mph and decide i just feel like doing something totally stupid that the end result is probably going to be me flying through the air its most likely going to ruin my day.  Now if choose that same pure spontaneous act of stupidity doing 50 on a waverunner that gets me ejected and feeling like batman, how much it makes my day better really depends on how many people actually saw it.  For me the key to maximizing the benefits of this form of relaxation didnt present itself right away.  Having an ipod while riding was like...i dont even know so forget that part.

Ok some songs from todays playlist

Metallica - lots of it
Syrian - Musika Atomika
Linkin Park - New Divide
Bloodhound Gang - Discovery Channel (secretly everyone loves this song)
Rammstein - Reise Reise, Mein Teil (with music this awesome do you really need to understand the words?)

random movie quote stuck in my head...
Woman:  How do you write women so well?
Man:  I think of a man, and i take away reason and accountability.

totally useless clue if you cant figure this out:  the joker

The Puzzle Piece Theory

I have been getting asked about this quite a bit so it is fresh in my mind.  Most of the time only certain parts get explainded or talked about.  Most people seem to see the logic in it and others seem to think they are the lucky ones in the theory.

We have all built a puzzle at one time or another of some kind.  You spend all kinds of time fitting many combinations of 2 pieces together until its finished.  Through this process you always come across those to pieces that look like they go together, kind of go together, but after a 2nd good look you just automatically know that they dont.  Usually because there is an edge that just doesnt have that perfect fit.

Now I'm sure some Dr. Phil wannabe has suggested something like this at some time.  But guess what, he isn't here.

We as people looking for our partner in life are quite the same.  The old saying there is someone out there for everyone is quite true.  But the chances of you actually ending up with that person (give the pure amount of people in the world combined with a persons pure lack of exposure) are relatively small.  As far as exposure goes the odds that you have simply walked by this person in public at any time is small.  A classic example i think of is those high school sweethearts we all remember getting married and being together forever.  The odds that they are the 2 correct pieces?  Probably zero.  A person can get "used" to anyone over time.  I'll come back to that.

So what about the people we do choose?  Well since hind sight is 20/20 you tell me.  Typically the person we choose to marry or choose for a long term relationship is more likey a piece that looks like it fits or comes close.  Because this is the closest most people will see they come to accept that as the perfect piece.  This is where the ignorance sets in.  Ignorance simply being a state of not knowing any better.  Some people choose to stick with what is close and others go there whole live either holding out or constantly jumping ship trying to find that piece.  This is not to be confused with "the grass is greener..." because numbers would say that there is a piece for you out there in which the grass IS greener.

Someone mentioned that while the may not be the perfect piece that the 2 of them make it fit.  Well I can take 2 of anything and superglue it together and make it fit.  That doesnt change the fact that those 2 pieces were not the perfect fit.  Also adapting yourself to someone is natural, they call that "smoothing the edges".  Now this doenst mean go kick your significant others to the curb and start traveling the world.  What it does mean is that sometimes ignorance really is bliss.  But the odd thing is that it is only bliss for as long as you are happy.  So logically its worth noting that chances are there is something that is a better fit, but at the same time since many wont be able to really comprehend what something better could possibly be (especially if they are currently happy or satisfied), they will simply acknowledge that ignorance is bliss.  But then every once in a while some people do in fact get lucky.

Is anything worth taking seriously?

I used to be like everybody else.  Taking my life and my job and stuff seriously or acting like it was important.  But then i had a wake up call.  Two seperate ones actually. 

The first wake up call was the Army.  Not so much the everyday stuff but for those who have seen any kind of action would know.  Being put in a legitimate life threatening situation.  The kind with real bullets and real people actually trying to kill you.  When you come back from that and transition to civilian life everything seems different.  You look at your coworker who is complaining about how the boss wants them to work some overtime or neighbors raising hell over kids running up stairs.  Then you realize that in a previous time that very well might have been you.  But not anymore.  Why?  How come its not a big deal anymore?  How is it that i can laugh in my bosses face when he is exploding with frustration over the stupidest thing?  Its simple really, there is no life threatening anything involved.  There is no reason to get uptight or take it any kind of serious.  Most people would say "Life is too short to take everything seriously all the time", I would say "Life is too short so dont take ANYTHING seriously at anytime."  unless you are being shot at.  Then maybe take a step back and focus.  Could be important. 

The second part of this revealed itself to me through a woman i had dated for a very short time years ago.  A free spirit, always having a good time, never took anything seriously.  It just seemed like a good quality, untill i met her kids.  Her daughter the youngest of three was about 7 years old.  She had a disease where the body treats the muscles as if they were an infection.  She needed help to bathe or even change from laying down to sitting up on the couch.  Cute kid, high spirited given her situation.  I forget how it came up but she revealed the connection to me one night during a conversation.  Told me that she has to maintain a positive attitude for her child and given what her daughter (being the one that is actually living with the disease) is going through that there is absolutely nothing that could happen to her (her being mom) that would be worth taking any kind of serious.  The revalation didnt set in immediately.  I thought it over in some depth over the next day or 2 and then put it together with the first wake up call.

When I put those 2 together and took a long hard look at my life it became clear.  For most people there is nothing that takes place in a typical day that is worth the brain power of taking seriously.  Getting pissed off when the boss gives you the shit job to do for the day and failing to remember how many would do that for half your pay just ot have a job.  Laugh at the crazy lady downstairs complaing that you do your laundry at 10 at night because it disturbs her.  Its not worth taking seriously and getting mad at.  All these people I look at.  Taking things so seriously.  What would they do if they suddenly had to dodge bullets just to make it to there car to go to work each morning?  Or simply leave the house everyday knowing that they might not come home that night?  Sleeping as light as you can just in case of a surprise attack.  Or even having a sick child that requires your abilty to see the funny in everything to draw strength from. 

So the next time I piss you off because im making everything a joke (because you have thin skin) or just laugh in your face when you got mad and made it worse,  Just remember i dont take anything seriously and then ask yourself if it is truly worth taking seriously.

Why so serious?

How early did I become me?

Personality, we all have one.  But, what makes it what it is?  Why am I this way?  Where did my instincts and tendancies toward certain things come from?  It didnt happen yesterday or last week even though that may be the first time I was faced with that particular situation.  Enter Sigmund Freud.

Now the numbers 6 and 9-12 stick out like a sore thumb for me here.  He suggested that the core of your personality was formed by the age of 6 and that the fully developed and unchangable personality that is you is complete between 9 and 12.  Now while i may not be spot on accurate here, I do know for certain i am in the ball park.  When i analyze my younger years i find this line of thought to be almost 100% accurate as it applies to me and while I took Phsycology like most other people, I do not feel the need to reference anyone elses point of view on this.

I started school at the age of 5. K through 6 at a catholic school.  The 20 kinds in my class would become the same 20 kids i saw and sat with and played with and ate lunch with everyday of school for the span of those 7 years.  Think about that.  The same 20 kids from roughly 7am till 3pm 5 days a week for 9 months of the year for 7 years.  Thats almost more time than you spend with anyone else during that time including family.  There faces and names are burned in to my brain even now at 33.  Vivid memories of all 7 of those years.

First off i didnt really have any friends of that group.  I never played with them after school.  Thats not to say i was hated or anything.  You get used to being together as a group over time.  Most of them had more financially stable families while my parents were divorced, times were tough.  They had Nikes, I had whatever was generic and on sale.  They got the newest cool toys when they came out, I didnt.  We all had to wear the same uniforms so i was spared further ridicule.  As a kid its difficult to understand why and can make for some difficult times.  And since the class never changed over the years the impact this had was doubled.  I have come to think of them as almost like family.  They were there for so long and now as adults to bump into one is almost like visiting a brother or sister.

Anyway, as i grew up the desire for nice stuff was always huge.  I am not a materialistic asshole by anymeans, but rather just like to have nice stuff.  The most identifiable example is Oakley sunglasses as opposed to anything else.  Well how can you attribute that to your childhood?  Because it was beat in to me for 7 years by the same 20 kids.  Thats what it was to be normal or cool or fit in.  I am now wired that way and in the moments where you think about changing its like an instinct kicks in and says nope that goes against the moral fabric of everything that is you.  I learned to get by without having any real close friends.  The path to learning how to be alone and get used to it begins here.  Because once school was out, i really didnt have anyone.  A friend here or a friend there but could always count them on one hand.  Still can today.  I wouldnt mind having more, but instictively don't.  Probably woouldnt know what to do if did lol. 

Now this may sound like a tale of sorrow but it really isnt.  When I look at how I became me and where my personality developed many of its characteristics, these 20 kids and that period of time is almost always at the core.  Now after 6th grade I shifted to public school.  I was completely unprepared for what awaited me, but that is another story....

Science flys you to the moon, Religion flys you into buildings

Ah the great debate.  Is God out there?  Do I believe in God?  Well of course i do.  Just incase he really does exist.  Though i was raise a hardcore catholic (even went to catholic school) I developed my own level of spiritualness.  I have a very Star Wars way of looking at things.  This may sound wierd but if someone takes the extra 2 seconds to listen to the dogmatic way that it is to be a Jedi one will find it makes a lot of sense one you remove the sci-fi.  Like death.  How does a Jedi deal with death?  In the words of Master Yoda "Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force, mourn them do not, miss them do not".  Doesnt that sound remarkably similar to what a priest or someone like that would tell you?

Now if we all believe that a dead person goes on to a better place why do we have to cry and be sad about it?  Well thats easy, because people are selfish.  I've learned that the sorrow comes from the selfish desire to have that person with them for their own personal need. 

What really gets me about the whole God and religion (meaning what gets me recently) thing is the whole giving thanks.  For what?  I see it on Facebook all the time.  Someone will accomplish a great personal feat.  Then give God all the credit.  Well what did he do?  I mean God didnt make that baby for you.  He didnt carry you during that 25K marathon.  In a world where giving credit where credit is due is huge to people in the working world they just give it away here.  Why?  The reality is you mustered up the personal strength (whether you see it or not) and did it yourself.  I mean if you want to use God as a crutch or as some kind of way to trick your mind into thinking you actually had help and really couldnt do it well then i guess that fine.  Why deprive yourself of that huge sense of accomplishment?  The ego boost that follows and the pure sense of satisfaction? 

Now I've read the Bible and I'm familiar with the whole drawing strength and having faith thing.  But if he is up there he isnt really helping anyone.  God retired when Jesus took over and the only time God seems to step up is when he gets bored and wants to hit the reset button.  Reset button?  Yeah like a flood.  God created Jesus because all he was doing was killing everyone all the time, a flood here, fire and brimstone there.  So they invented this thing called forgiveness.

I could spend a lot of time on this.  I think i will leave it here for now.  But the issue of giving credit to God for something you really did on your own baffles me.  God wants you to be able to do it on your own.  But if we didnt believe he helped us then i guess the preachers wouldnt have anything to preah. 

My final thought for today.  The world has over 1 billion catholics, chritians, and the like.  No other has more.  Now ask yourself (those of you who do not believe in God), what if you are wrong?  When you die and are confronted by the Almighty, what do you say? 

...can't explain it but this post makes me feel like im Glenn Beck...

Do some people just have nothing else to do?

We have all at one time or another looked at someone doing whatever and said to ourselves or the person next to us "don't they have anything better to do than *insert action here*".  At this current time i have to say that is the woman that lives in the unit under me.  Aside from the fact that what she did yesterday (get there in a bit) that really set me off, i simply wish i could understand (even if i dont agree) the drive she has to do these types of things.

First the setup, I live in a 4 unit condo/apartment building.  Two up and two down, she lives directly under me. and for us uppers there are stairs at either end of the building.  Now my neighbor is an older woman who has had brain surgery.  Nice lady has a couple kids my age and what seems like a million grandkids (closer to like 4 i think).  She isnt allowed to drive because she still has the occasional siezure, that said the family seems to rotate through and visit, or BBQ, bring the grandkids for a sleepover, use the pool here, or simply make sure she has what she needs.  I on the other hand live alone and tend to keep to myself with the occasional hello to my neighbor (no not the woman downstairs).

Yesterday i came home to a flyer stuck in my door.  I more or less was telling both of us upstairs units that running up and down the stairs is against the rules and regs of the complex.  It failed to provide info on who submitted the complaint or provide any contact info if i wished to get more information.  It simply said that due to repeated disturbances that myself and my neighbor stop using the stairs on MY side of the building.  Now i dont know about you but sometimes you really have to pee.  And last i checked little kids run up and down stairs, its what they do.  If anything i should be complaining about them running around the balcony/walkway we share.  I don't because it doesnt bother me, its petty, and thats what kids do.  This note was clealy made by this person on her own accord becasue when i called my landlord to check for a complaint, there wasnt one. 

At this point I wish i could go inside her head and see what the thought process is here.  Im sure many people have thought the same thing about a neighbor or a co-worker.  What makes these people tick?  Do they get satisfaction?  Is it a chip on their shoulder from their past?  I mean we talking about stairs here.

Now obviously im not the one running up the stairs, unless i really have to pee.  So all i can think to myself about my neighbor is leave her alone.  She has more to worry about than an energetic 4 year old running up the stairs probably doesnt really give a shit either. 

you want more?  oh yeah theres more.

My landlord sees no reason for me to stop using the stairs on MY side of the building.  He does at this point feel the need to fill me in on what she did to the last tennant in my unit.  All our units have there own washer and dryers in them.  She complained about the last person because they were doing their laundry at 10pm and later.  Now the fact that the renter was a lawyer really didnt matter because guess what....he can wash clothes whenever he wants, thats why they are in the units.

Now this might come off as venting or complaining or whatever.  Its really not.  Its quite thought provoking really.  She lives alone she is in her 40s I would say, never has visitors, and isnt that bad looking i guess.  What purpose does this serve?  What happen to people dealing with people when they have a problem?  Everyone seems so afraid of confrontation these days because everyone is so quick to jump on the defensive before they listen.  And when you couldnt figure out who was causing your problem you ask the whole upstairs to stop using half the stairs? 

My devilish side tells me "her complaint said nothing about jumping" >:) 

Why I am here

Like many people i have had on many occasions thought to myself that my life, experiences and view of things would be found quite interesting to the rest of the world and that I should write a book about the average person.  But is the life and experience of the average person interesting? It has to be to at least one person in this world.

Well truthfully the credit has to go to a friend who also blogs.  This person said they would be interested to read it.  So we will see if anyone else jumps on this train.  But of course we will see if i decide if this is for me and how long i decide to stick with it.  I guess it depends on a certain level of inspiration as well a curious mind that wants to know.  We will see.

So why not start with something that makes me feel good.  Today is my day off.  Typically you will find me on the lake for a few hours today if it is summer time.  For those who dont know, I live in Lake Havasu City, AZ.  I have a waverunner that is quite possibly one of the best purchases I have ever made.  The feeling of freedom and lack of problems when you are out riding is like nothing else.  Only an avid motorcycle rider can really relate.  The wind in your face and nothing but the horizon in front of you.  No cell phones, email, or text messages.  I usually go by myself.  I load up my ipod, put the earphones in, and just ride.  Some of my best thinking happens out there.  You look back and the landscape and see your town and then realize that all of your problems are there.  Its like they can't swim or follow you off land.  It has a way of almost hitting the reset button or centering ones self for that period of time...until the next time...